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(no subject) [Dec. 18th, 2031|08:02 pm]
ShadesOfFree
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A brief overview of this journal's contents~Collapse )

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THINGS [Mar. 31st, 2012|04:23 am]
ShadesOfFree
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[Current Music |"Desire" - PoetsOf The Fall]

  • GED: passed!
  • Job: lined up!
  • College classes: ....possible. May wait a year on that, may just do online, because, see above.
  • Sister: about to explode into babies. Or a baby, singular. Still, baby. Eep.
  • Avengers FEELS: REACHING CRITICAL OH MY GODDDD.
Basically, the most important thing in this list is JOB oh man. I have a job lined up as PRODUCTION ASSISTANT at the local television studio. I GET TO PLAY WITH SHINY THINGS AND MAKE PEOPLE BE ON TV. I am excited. I  was all set to be hired, but then they realized my GED results hadn't come in (this was... Thursday). So they put me on hold until I can show them my diploma  / proof of passing, and I thought that would take until mid April, but then this evening the letter telling me I'd passed was in the mail. So I just gotta go pick my diploma up Monday or... sometime during the week, get it over to HR, get fingerprinted/background checked, and then EMPLOYMENT ACQUIRED.

Re: college, I thought I knew what I wanted to do? And now I don't know? Because ...I was leaning towards being an art teacher (simply because it gave me an excuse to be an art student for ages + a job to fall into after), but now that I have this job in the TV studio, I am... wondering if I should go with more tech-oriented studies? Or skip it entirely and just hope experience will be enough? Or.... other? I don't know. I need to think more, I suspect.

The next most important thing is that my mom's boss (who I call TONY STARK because he... seriously looks like RDJ) predicts my sister will have her baby tomorrow at 3pm, and that she'll go into labor at 5am. So basically in about an hour. He is apparently really good at guessing these things (probably be cause being RDJ's clone this makes him Sherlock Holmes, too). So, we shall see. This is here as a record of this prediction. I mean, she's due Sunday (the 1st), so... really, he could be right. Ooooo. But then there will be a baby and that is fifteen different flavors of bizarre so we're not talking about that okay? okay.

Next: AVENGERS FEELS. LOKI. LOKI LOKI LOKI MY DEAR WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BRAIN? I swear, Marvel is going to kill me. Before the movie even comes out I have reached CRITICAL LEVELS OF FEELINGS and may have permanently lost the ability to EVEN. If the movie is this good, I will just short out and die in the theater and that is optimism because the alternative is that the Loki muse will just TAKE OVER and start killing everyone, or something. I would only be marginally surprised if this happened. ....also, um, I have a Loki action figure sitting here on my desk looking cranky and brandishing daggers. :D <3



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Things which have happened since the last post: [Feb. 21st, 2012|05:00 pm]
ShadesOfFree
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  • I have discovered bacon jerky - it's like thick bacon but softer than if it were properly fried and does not require things like cooking and thus is my new best friend. Omnomnom.
  • I have alarmed and/or traumatized at least three people just by being myself in conversations. a) By talking about bacon muffins and how I am going to make them (not actually related to the above point; I just love bacon, okay?!?); b) by saying (direct quote) "I'm really the nicest psychopath you'll ever meet!" at lunch today; c) exclaiming loudly in the grocery store that the only thing better than bacon jerky (see above point) would be human jerky... right as an old woman walks by. The last one got me the most hilarious expression ever. Ever.
  • Algebra has started to make a little more sense to me. Sorta. Maybe. I went to see the tutor during class today, and she helped, but also confused the hell out of me several times because she's a ~math teacher~ so to her, math comes so naturally that sometimes she does not explain certain steps and suddenly we go from 4x(-4+2)-9x to.... -3x, or something, and I'm just like "WAT" but... other than that, things are starting to be clearer. Sorta. Ish.
  • Last night there was an explosion of coffee in my life, and I was so caffeinated I was hallucinating and I was seeing red fireflies. Red! It was crazy.
  • I have decided that the trololol song is my favorite way to start my day, because oh my God I had the best morning ever today. I listened to that instead of my iTunes songs, because I couldn't open it (my files are on the external, and I was using all the usb ports for other things), so I was like YOUTUBE: TROLOLOL SONG! and it was like WHY CERTAINLY, HERE YOU GO and it was wonderful. My mom kept popping her head into my room while we were getting ready to leave and laughing at me, but I won, because she had it in her head all day. >:}
  • One of the things in my class today was that we did some kind of word of the day thing with word-searches and then definitions and and one of the words was propinquity, which is a glorious word. GLORIOUS. And here is why! Just, ajdfnhladfhdfh I need to use this word. This works for so many things. SO MANY THINGS, like seriously. I love words. Excuse me while I kjdnhldkjfnhadjfindf.
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Things which are relevant to my life: [Feb. 17th, 2012|10:30 pm]
ShadesOfFree
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  • Getting my GED is eating everything. Energy, time, energy, time, energy, and time. Mostly those things.
  • Also I might become an art teacher. That is the current plan~ so much as there IS a plan at all.
  • I could see myself as an art teacher, though. It'd be hardcore awesome.
  • Wine is tasty. Mmmm, wine.
  • I am attached to RP characters in the most intense and bizarre ways, way too quickly.
  • I still do not understand how one can have 53634 incarnations of ONE muse and not be insane.
  • Loki has literally at least five different incarnations in my head right now. LITERALLY, FIVE.
  • WHAT. EVEN.
  • HOW DO YOU INDENT BULLET POINTS ANYMORE GUYS? WHAT DID LJ DOOOO?
  • I may be a little tipsy now.
  • Um, what else... there were other things but then I got distracted because my BULLETS ARE NOT INDENTING PROPERLY and that ANNOYS ME GREATLY.
  • D&D is awesomefungoodtimes. I am surprisingly not terrible at this tabletop RP business. My character likes to fight people with hairpins and steals all the shiny things and generally is not dead yet, so that's nice.
  • SPN tonight was glorious. GLOOOOOORIOUS.
  • I should work on this whole Erin never updates LJ thing. No promises, though. Odds are this will be the last entry for, like, the month. (And now that I say that I will probably update all the damn time ((and now that I say that, it will never happen (((etc.))))).) ...yeah.
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NaNoWriMo and procrastination and other things. [Nov. 15th, 2011|11:25 pm]
ShadesOfFree
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So, NaNoWriMo. This is probably the first time I've ever pretty much finished my story well before even reaching half my words. Um, whoops? Also it's the first year where I'd rather do anything other than write this story even though I love it and it's actually got potential and etc.? I always figured people who said they had that problem were weird, because the other years I was all like "No, Mom, I can't do dishes / clean things / walk around / go out into the sunlight, I'm writing~" but this year I'm like ...looking for other things to do.

I just spent thirty minutes or so sorting pencils. No, really. Then I followed that up by working on the blanket I'm crocheting for my sister's future child (who is now apparently a girl, by the way. Not my sister, the baby. I mean, my sister is a girl, but we already knew that) for like an hour, and then making tea in the most complicated way possible, and then eating chicken nuggets, and then crocheting some more, and then stacking and re-ordering my books, and then browsing LJ, and now I'm writing this and, really, I've accomplished nothing useful whatsoever today.

Whoops.

Really I blame this on the fact that I have no actual work area / desk, and am instead laying on my bed with the laptop (because the kitchen table is horribly uncomfortable for writing at, and there's basically nowhere else to go), and if I lay down too long I get sleepy and then I want sleep and then I get up to avoid falling asleep in the middle of the day and then... get distracted. And etc. Ugh.

Tomorrow there is a write-in at the library near me. I may go. I hope it's not like last year's "write-in" which was actually not a write-in at all and was actually a panel / Q&A session. Which is nice, I mean, if you want to go to one, but I went thinking it was to write and it... was not. Because it was a conspiracy to get us there to listen to these people talk about their books instead of working on ours. So. Fingers crossed this time it is not a lie, because I could seriously use the writing time away from home.
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In which Erin writes a whole long post and then deletes it and posts something small. [Nov. 6th, 2011|09:39 am]
ShadesOfFree
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[Current Mood |anxiousanxious]
[Current Music |Beyond Time - Apocalyptica]

Ugh. So, so glad that the muse that's acting up today is at least an outwardly-calm one. Loki, my boy, you are a life-saver.
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(no subject) [Oct. 13th, 2011|11:47 am]
ShadesOfFree
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My sister is having a boy, officially. I am psychic, apparently, and called this while everyone else assumed it would be a girl. Bonus points to me. I think I'm going to make him call me Aunt Epic, and teach him internet memes and how wonderful it is to be a geek. ...if I can get past the whole "ew, it's a child" thing I have going on. This aversion to babies and children is going to be an issue,  ugh.

No more child cannibalism jokes, I guess. :(
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These bullets points are not silver. Whoops. [Oct. 12th, 2011|12:38 pm]
ShadesOfFree
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  • Supernatural S7: win, so far. All around. I am happy with all the important things and can easily handwave the few little things that irk me. Everybody gets a breakdown this season, is that what I'm seeing, writers? y/y/y? My approval, you have it.
  • My ability to be aggressively passive-aggressive at the drop of a hat will never cease to amaze me.
  • Finding people you know in-person online completely by accident can be somewhat jarring. It's a small world, man. Small. Freaking. World.
  • Christo.
  • Everything is Loki and nothing hurts. By which I mean, oooo Avengers <3. (To be fair not all the things are Loki. Some of them are Tony and Thor with his ridiculous girlhair, too.)
  • I have developed a new muse: say hello to Tom Hanniger, the result of my recent horror movie kick.
  • Illness is frustrating. I'm ready to be better now. It's been more than a month, come on already. I'd like to be able to eat without wishing I was dead.
  • The Hills Have Eyes will never not break my heart.
  • My kittens are glorious and big. Two have homes already, we're down to four of them, but stillll. <3
  • I need to update LJ more regularly to avoid mass bullet-point confusion like this.
  • I might be moving at some point in the near future... I am nowhere near ready for that. I mean in a literal sense, I have so much stuff, what am I even going to do with it all? 
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I did not die but I almost did [Sep. 22nd, 2011|09:53 pm]
ShadesOfFree
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Being inspired for all the things you currently can't write or do ...is possibly the most annoying thing ever. Especially when you're working on about 20% brainpower thanks to having caught the plague, and at least 15% of that remaining portion is being eaten up by that useless inspiration.

Although I suppose even if I could write what I want to write right now, the words would not make much sense, because holy crap brain-eating plague. Seriously.

But still. HMPH.
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(no subject) [Aug. 31st, 2011|09:04 pm]
ShadesOfFree
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Also, go here.
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(no subject) [Aug. 31st, 2011|08:26 pm]
ShadesOfFree
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:D
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Music Meme! Again! [Aug. 12th, 2011|11:15 pm]
ShadesOfFree
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I am in the mood to make mixes, but I want to do some that I can ...actually finish in maybe less than a month. So, music meme~!

Pick one of the characters I play (HANDY LIST) or one you are sure I am familiar with (try me if you're not sure), and I will make a 5 (ish) track minimix for them! May be more than five, probably won't be less... May or may not include art because I am still OCD and crazy even if I'm doing a meme. May or may not be done this week, but I'll be trying to do these quickly, since... that's the whole idea.
Finished:
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Meme Hijackery: Stolen from dealga [Jul. 10th, 2011|05:44 pm]
ShadesOfFree
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Memetime!

1. Reply to this post, and pick five of my icons.
2. I shall explain why I have them / tell you something about them / other.
3. If you so wish, do the same and have people pick from yours.
4. ???
5. Profit!
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Sadpost is sad [Jun. 16th, 2011|05:11 pm]
ShadesOfFree
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[Current Mood |sadsad]

So one of the kittens my cat just had six days ago died today. My favorite one, too. So I'm feeling pretty bummed, and a little more anxious than normal, and generally just felt like posting a good-bye post? Whatever.

I had been hoping I'd be able to keep that one, if I kept any. I wasn't entirely sure on the gender yet (pretty sure it was a boy though), but I was gonna name it Loki, either way. He was the smallest one, so I guess he wasn't as healthy, but he seemed fine, just... randomly died this afternoon.

RIP Loki </3

(He's the white one with the dark head / dark spots on his back, chillin' on top of the others.)
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SRS ERIN IS SRS: #1 [Jun. 10th, 2011|01:48 am]
ShadesOfFree
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[Current Mood |aggravatedaggravated]

Very few things upset me like the underplaying or abuse of anxiety issues.

I am cool with your ignorance with countless other things, universe. I can look the other way for a long, long time while you express your opinions about my religion, my political views (as vague as they are), whatever. I am a very tolerant person. Honestly, my beliefs are going to either hold their water, or they won't. My political views don't matter. My appearance, my sexuality (or lack thereof, in my case), my class or status or whatever you want to call it, all of that, you can bash on it all you want and it really doesn't even phase me.

But anxiety is one of the few things that comes up far too often as the butt of jokes, or being used like an excuse - for a person who claims to have it, or a person who is claiming someone else is using it as an excuse - or just generally not correctly dealt with as a legitimate issue, and it infuriates me like none of those other things do.

Two of the big things I see are complete opposites: someone dismissing it as "not a real problem", or someone over-dramatizing and saying what they deal with is an "anxiety disorder" which suddenly becomes to blame for every little thing in their life. And it's all over the place, lately. Seems like this week I've seen both examples at least five times, most in unrelated incidents.

I don't know how to deal with something that hits so close to home for me, because my first impulse is to talk directly to the person and point out all the ways what they're saying is invalid, which will end with me coming across as a neurotic bitch. The second instinct I have is to do the super-passive "well, it makes me uncomfortable, but you don't have to do anything about it, it's okay," when... that's not what I want to say at all. 

Because it's not okay.

It's being extremely closed-minded about an actual illness. A dangerous one, and one that's more than just "I can't do that, it makes me nervous," when something doesn't suit you. It isn't a solution to not having to do things you don't want to do, it's not a clean excuse to get out of something. It's frustrating, and it's terrifying, and it's messy, and a lot of times the things it interferes with the most are the things you do want to do. You can't always rationalize your way out of it, and you can't "just breathe, just relax" and be fine, because anxiety isn't rational and it isn't just a negative thought pattern, even if a thought pattern can be a trigger. It's a legitimate problem, and it's abused too much, and ignored even more often, and I'm honestly getting a little fed up with trying to exist in a world where I'm seen as either a drama queen, a lunatic, or a liar, as a result of people like this.

...I don't know. I needed to vent a little bit tonight. Sorry.
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